20 reasons why Melbourne sucks

We’re in Melbourne for Chris’s bucks weekend. This is a collective list we’re all making.

1. The wide roads means the trams will kill you
2. Melbourne guys & girls wearing 80’s clothes thinking their hip
3. Its always raining and windy
5. The airport isn’t even in Melbourne,  its a 30 minute drive
6. No sights to see
7. No beaches with sand (local Trent disagreed, says we got Bells beach)
8. Massive ferris wheel that doesn’t work.
9. Pots of beer mean you have to buy twice as many drinks
10. Melbourneites think they invented coffee
11. You cant buy any sunblock cause there’s no need for it.
12. Their Luna park is so un-fun they’ve shut it down 3 times
13. To turn right you have to be in the left lane (go figure)
14. You have to carry a jacket, an umbrella and a pair of sunglasses with you every day just in case.
15. Its that trendy they’re still playing “Mrs Mills Jubilee party” album on a Friday night.


16. All the bar tenders have moustaches.
17. They still get around the city by horse & carriage
18. The taxi drivers don’t know anywhere.
19. There favourite sport  (cross country ballet) awards you a point when you miss the target, and its played on a round pitch with two ends, sensible!

Looks like we couldn’t quite get to 20 in the end.

8 thoughts on “20 reasons why Melbourne sucks”

  1. point 20 – should have been , no train from either airport!

    and for point 13 , you forgot to mention that you do the turn on a red light

  2. Yea my melbourne ‘friends’ ladder climbing fuckwits are a disgrace to the expresson of artist. They are really shallow and two faced everyone i have met from melbourne is full of themselves and shallow snobs and hella bitchy. Like which other state in australia bashes someone just from coming from NSW. Jealous Melbourne fucks do. I much prefer adeliade cbd, queensland or nsw where the true blue’s see eye to eye with people not ass to mouth.

    1. Deadset dudes/dudettes a person whom i thought was a good friend from smellbourne. Accused me of plotting his murder. All he used to do was compare sydney to melbourne. He really cared about his public image although claimed he was punk or whatever. Pretty much everyone i know that moved there from sydney are really snobby and entitled. Its like they are still in high school desiring social acceptance and would sabotage anyone at the top of a hat to gain respect or props.

  3. Hi Beddy , could I please ask that you remove my comment as my real name is on it and I been copping it ever since.

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